Category Archives: Personal

Je suis Charlie

In the last days I’ve read dozens of articles about the Charlie Hebdo attacks in Paris. I’ve followed most of the news in real time. I read the details about how the terrorist got into the building. How they shot their victims. The terror of the staff that survived. The execution in cold blood of a police officer, unaware of the cameras (I refrained from watching the video). Their flight and the police’s search of the forest. The standoff in the printer ending with them being killed.

Like many French, Europeans and global citizens I am outraged. I am outraged about the attack to freedom of speech. I am outraged about indiscriminate attacks of terrorists with Kalashnikovs in response to Charlie’s indiscriminate attacks with pens against everything that could be ridiculed. I am outraged that in a democratic society people can be killed for expressing an opinion – even if that opinion hurts, is wilfully insulting or occasionally tasteless as is the case for some of the cartoons of Charlie Hebdo.

Freedom of expression can hurt. Freedom of expression can insult and offend. But even provocation must be possible in a public debate. Whether something is insulting or tasteless is not a criterion for the freedom of expression. There are two criterions that Charlie Hebdo, my daily newspaper, myself as a blogger, and any other citizen should respect when deciding whether or not to publish something. First: does it meet the requirements of the law? Does a cartoon incite hatred? And secondly: does a publication match my personal values?

My values are not the same as Charlie Hebdo’s. I use my freedom of speech in a different way. I am not writing to criticise and offend people. I won’t publish cartoons that I know that are offensive. That’s not my role as a happiness blogger: it is not my purpose or style. But all institutions of power should be ridiculed – often there are many good reasons to do so. There is a lot of hypocrisy and stupidity in politics, religion, and any other dimension of public life that deserves to be criticised. I leave that to the cartoonists and satirists that thankfully take on that role in our vibrant democracy.

I stand for democracy, the public debate, and even for their right to offend.

Therefore, today, I am Charlie. Je suis Charlie.

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Balanced and ambitious goals – new year resolutions for 2015

It’s part of the rituals for the festive period: once the days of over-eating and family visits of Christmas has ended and the New Year’s hangover is over, it’s time to work on the new and improved you in 2015: New Year’s Resolutions.

Define how you’ll achieve your goals

But setting effective New Year’s Resolutions is not easy: according to psychologists, only 5% to 30% of the goals will be reached. It helps to write down your goals, to spell out as in much detail as possible how you want to achieve them, and also to think to overcome possible difficulties. For instance, if you want to spend one hour a week to learn French, it’s best to set a fixed date (say Tuesday). And in case you happen to have a dinner on one particular Tuesday, you postpone your self-study to Wednesday. It’s good to set this contingency plans in advance!

My successes in 2014

When I set my goals for 2014, I also look back at my biggest successes for 2014. This helps me to realise where I am coming from and to build upon progress made last year. Some of my successes were:

  • I fell in love
  • I developed this blog further: I launched a newsletter, wrote several articles for other outlets, and spoke on the Wellbeing Forum in Mexico
  • I was promoted at work

It also helped me realised that some successes are sometimes at quite a distance from goals: I didn’t have the goal to fall in love or get invited for big happiness conferences. But I like to think it happened as a result of a bit of good ground work and some luck!

My goals in 2015

I have set similar goals for 2015. In some I’ll succeed, in other’s I’ll fail, but they can all help me to live a balanced (and ambitious) 2015 – and hopefully they’ll contribute to my happiness! As Life Coach Hub wrote on my blog before Christmas, it’s worthwhile to set resolutions that enhance happiness.

  • Live together with the girl I feel in love with last year
  • Track and improve my sleep
  • Expand my blog
  • Work on my health by running or by yoga
  • Celebrate my 30th birthday
  • Continue to do well at work
  • Travel to two new countries: Portugal and Bhutan (finally!)
  • Watch at least one new TED talk per week
  • Read novels and books about happiness
  • Become a better public speaker

When I look at this list, it seems to be quite a lot. But the good thing is, that for most of it, I’ve found ways to integrate them in my daily and weekly life, making it more natural. I think that this is the way in which resolutions can work. Achieving a goal often is about changing a habit – eating less, quitting smoking, doing more sports. Old habits die difficultly, as I wrote last year with the help of Radiohead and a pig / in a cage / on antibiotics. If habits die difficultly, improving my sleep might be the most challenging goal on my list. I’ll keep you posted.

But first, I’ll shut down my computer. It’s getting late, and I want to sleep well this year.

Guest post: reach your goals and increase your happiness

Guest post by Andrea Taylor, LifeCoachHub

Tips to Reach Your Goals and Increase Your Happiness

Happiness depends on many things. Some factors you can’t control. But you can pick your goals. With the right ones you can influence your happiness. Wrosch and Scheier reported in Quality of Life Research that our choices create 40 percent of our happiness. The researchers added that goals boost your happiness because they give your life meaning and a sense accomplishment.

Simply pursuing a goal can make you happier. Time magazine reported in 2013 that among people working toward a goal 35 percent said the pursuit itself made them happier.

For the greatest effect you have to set realistic goals. As humans, we have incredible imaginations. We can envision great things for ourselves. But when our goals are too grandiose, we get frustrated. Long term gain is hard to get when you confront short term realities.

I'm saying Yes to Happiness Goals in the Happiness Goals Countdown

For example, your goal to organize the house excited you until the clutter overwhelmed your motivation. The solution is to plan small short term goals that lead to the big reward. A promise to organize one closet or cabinet a week is easier to keep. By meeting small goals you will eventually achieve something big.

And for people wanting to get in shape, tell yourself to do the exercise for 10 minutes this week, then 15 minutes the next, and build from there. Your rising health and fitness will reward you and motivate you to reach higher goals.

Although long term goals are challenging, it’s still good to dream big. Just remember to plan manageable steps along the way. Then you’ll gain happiness and motivation more often. This will keep you going.

With the right strategy your goals can give you more success and happiness. Need some inspiration? Check out the Happiness Goals Countdown from Life Coach Hub. We were inspired to start this cause because research has shown that people are pretty bad at predicting what will make them happier. So we might set goals and New Years resolutions with the noble intention of a happier, more fulfilling life, but even when we reach them, our ultimate goal falls short.

The Happiness Goals Countdown seeks to provide a much-needed salve to this perennial problem. We present research about the relationship between goals and happiness, and discuss the types of goals that lead to longer term fulfillment as well as those that not only don’t fill up our happiness banks, but actually make withdrawals from it!

To make it even more concrete, we’re publishing a series of articles about goals that research has shown do have lasting impacts on goals. For instance, happiness goal #1 is about making it a resolution this year to set aside 10 minutes of each day to daydream. Sound strange? Well it turns out that the joyful aspiration and hoping we do when daydreaming is strongly linked to happiness. And that’s not the only reason it’s a happy goal. Check out the countdown and get some more inspiration of how to add happiness to your list this year!

Image via LifeCoachHub.com

Image via LifeCoachHub.com

 

The power of negative emotions – and two other lessons of the Foro Bienestar

I just came back from two weeks in Mexico. During these weeks, I fled the Brussels grey, rain and cold to replace it by the occasional Mexico City grey, the jungle rain, and Pacific coast warmth. Moreover, I spent a couple of days at the Foro Bienestar (International Forum of Well-Being and Development) in Guadalajara, where I was invited to speak. In the next two weeks, I’ll offer some thoughts about my own presentation on happiness and public policy and about the question ‘why are Mexicans so happy’ that was the leitmotiv of the conference. However, today I wanted to share some insights about the main points that I took home from the conference. Are you ready? Here we go!

Don’t forget the power of negative emotions

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Speaking of negative emotions: this slide by Stefano Bartolini (University of Siena) shows the problem of social comparisons and happiness very well.

Most of the speakers were academics and the good thing about academics, contrary to some happiness consultants, is that they don’t allow themselves to be carried away by their enthusiasm so much that they forget that being happy all the time is not possible and not desirable. Negative emotions are a necessary counterweight to positive ones. In a simple metaphor: feelings are a mountainous landscape. Without the valleys of anger, frustrations and anxiety, the happy peaks of joy, tranquility and exaltation would not be happy peaks but part of a plain.

Robert Biswas-Diener, often labelled as a positive psychologist, brought this forward most prominently. Answering his own question ‘how happy should an individual be?’, he suggested that the ideal rate of positive and negative emotions might be positive 80% of the time and 20% negative of the time. Being happy all the time does not do justice to real and important feelings as guilt, grief and anger. For instance, as he also discusses in his book ‘The Upside of your Dark Side‘, guilt can motivate us to work harder and accomplish more than we ever could do if we’d be simply content with everything.

Measuring happiness is very, very simple and very, very, complex

A large part of the conference was dedicated to one simple question: how do you measure happiness? It is clear that there are many ways to do so: the World Happiness Database at the Erasmus University Rotterdam knows 963 different methodologies, said Jan Ott.

But professor John Helliwell, one of the authors of the UN World Happiness Report, explained these can be summarised in a couple of simple ways. One way is to ask people how happy they are in a specific moment. This can be happiness in the ‘now’, to grasp a person’s feelings most accurately, or a moment like ‘yesterday’ or even longer ago, to prevent that events limited in time have a major influence. Such a question can be answered very quickly, without a lot of thinking. A second way is to ask a more reflective question, asking how satisfied you are with your life as a whole. Questions asking about positive or negative emotions typically give more random and diverse answers.

The debate is open on happiness as a policy objective

Picture from the opening session. Source: La Jornada de Jalisco.

Picture from the opening session. Source: La Jornada de Jalisco.

In my opinion, it should be obvious that governments would aim to increase quality of life and well-being – happiness if you want – especially where incomes increase and poverty reduces. Still, using insights about happiness and well-being in public policy is quite scarce: another research to welcome that Jalisco, the region where Guadalajara is located, is facing the challenge. Meik Wiking, from the Danish Happiness Research Institute, identified that taking happiness as a political goal is a trend. But there is also a counter-trend: skepticism about government efforts to formulate happiness policy objectives.

Professor Bruno Frey strongly advanced the argument that with happiness as a policy objective, there would be major incentives to governments to manipulate data, for instance by excluding people with lower happiness and by  falsification of indicators. In a high-level debate – the Tyson vs Ali of  happiness researchers – he was taken on by professor Helliwell, who thought these risks could be reduced as methodologies will be tweaked over time and that manipulation could be constrained in a democratic society.

My happiness bookshelf, work in progress

My happiness bookshelf is work in progress!

Some of the valuable additions from the last year:

  • Matthieu Ricard, Happiness. A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill. Great read! He argues that happiness is largely about perceptions and positive habits that one can practice. He also wrote another book about altruism, which I discussed shortly here.
  • Thomas More, Utopia. I still have to read it, but I was reminded to it very actively when in the beginning of the year there was a Dutch TV show with the same name (see blog post here). I haven’t heard anything about the show anymore, I presume it has failed…
  • Diener et al., Well-Being and Public Policy: a scientific ‘guide’ to the state of play of well-being policies. I’ll tell you more about that soon!

 

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Crush your comfort zone and make the magic happen

Go outside your comfort zone: that is where the magic happens

Have you ever been at a conference with a great speaker that you admire, dying to pose a question important to you? But maybe you were not sure how the audience would react, or you thought that the speaker could think you were stupid. Or you hesitated in phrasing the question, and whilst you were wondering what to say, all the questions rounds were closed. Too late. Opportunity gone…

One of the challenges that we all face as human beings is to exit our comfort zones. And yes, asking questions in conferences is not the most comfortable thing to do. We feel nice and cosy to spend time in the places we know, with people we know, and a conference isn’t necessarily one of these places. But to really have unforgettable experiences, we need to leave our comfort zones and discover the world.

Image found on Reallifecoaching.net

Image found on Reallifecoaching.net

 

Easier said then done. How do you leave your comfort zone?

Well, you don’t leave it. You crush it. Preferably by laying down on the street for thirty seconds. At least, that is the solution from Till Gross (see talk below). With a large dose of enthusiasm and flair, and based on scientific insights, he explains how laying on the street has helped him to get out of his own comfort zone and given him the self-confidence to try scary things. Think of speaking to a girl or approaching top experts in his field, psychology.

The message is simple: we all are afraid to step out of our comfort zone. But if we just start something exciting and new, we make the magic happen. And if we do it over and over again, at some point it will become normal. The example of asking a question at a conference is not a random one. I’ve tried I myself. In Brussels, one gets to attend a fair number of conferences. Initially, I would never speak. But at some point, I realised that I had to change that, and as a general rule, I told myself that I’d always ask a question if a could come up with a smart one. In the beginning it was difficult, but it quickly became a habit – and it still is. That doesn’t mean I always get an answer, or that they are always smart questions, but at least the barrier is removed.

But Till’s message is even broader than that. Crushing your comfort zone doesn’t only help you to experience new things and grow self-confidence. It also helps you to be happier. I absolutely believe is right in that. Often, unhappiness results from comparing ourselves with others, and having the feeling that we are inferior. When you are physically down on the street for 30 seconds, you start a process of not caring about what other people think. By doing so, you do not only remove a barrier to self-confidence, but also a barrier to happiness.

Laying down on the street doesn’t only crush your comfort zone. It can also make you happy.

Happiness is a messy thing

The previous blog post, about drinking a coffee on a Sunday morning, was called When I am happy. I thought of calling it What makes me happy, but then I would fall in one of the biggest pitfalls of happiness. Let me introduce why I believe there is a subtle but importance difference.

One of the great misconceptions human beings have about happiness is our implicit belief that things (objects, but also experiences) will always make you happy – satisfaction guaranteed. Sometimes they can. In the end, happiness is an ephemeral phenomenon. It comes and goes, sometimes stimulated by the things outside us, sometimes just by our own thoughts and perceptions. Yet, I think there are three reasons why it is dangerous to assume anything will make us happy: high expectations, the need for more, and the lack of a ‘satisfaction guaranteed’ clause.

High expectations

First of all, our expectations of objects are unrealistic. We think we will be happy when we have a certain object – say, a wonderful new Ferrari. We idealise the great trips we are going to make, crossing a nice hilly countryside, wind through our hair and a wonderful girl in the passenger seat. We don’t think of possible negative experiences with this car, be it a hefty traffic fine or an expensive repair. Often there is a mismatch between our idealised image of the future and reality. When reality (traffic fines, repairs) doesn’t match idealised expectations (great rides), it is easy to be disappointed.

More! More! More!

Secondly, there is one obvious mechanism. Greed. The need for more. To put it simply: when you don’t have a car, you think having a simple Kia to get you everywhere will satisfy. But then, you compare with the Volkswagen drivers. And even when you get your Ferrari, it is not enough. Then, you can’t do without a Porsche or a Maserati or a Bentley to be happy, and it starts all over. Happiness always disappears behind the horizon, like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that moves further away. (Personal example: my collection of ties is never complete either. I have over 35 now – and counting…).

‘Satisfaction guaranteed’

However, I think the third mechanism is most intriguing. I’d refer to it as the lack of a ‘satisfaction guaranteed’ clause for well-being, and it goes way beyond kitchen utensils and five-step abs training programmes. Sometimes the magic doesn’t happen.  Even if you have been happy before drinking great coffee, spending time with close friends or buying shoes, there is no guarantee that it will always work.  In scientific terms, the stimulus is not a sufficient precondition for happiness: the relevant object or experience doesn’t always have the desired effect of making you happy. This might be the most difficult thing to accept: why doesn’t it work anymore? Why is the magic lost?

When we are happy, not what makes us happy.

What is the  the takeaway of this? My belief is that it is better to see our lives in terms of moments when we are happy rather than to objects or experiences of which we think they make us happy. Happiness can come in all kind of moments, often as a surprise or unplanned. But we need to be present to register them, and to be grateful. Happy moments refer to episodes in the present, when you experience them. When we expect things to make us happy, we look at the future.

And in my own case? This particular Sunday morning I was happy drinking my coffee. But another Sunday morning, I might not be. Probably, it wasn’t only the sensation of the cup of coffee that made me happy. It was the complete picture – the excitement of trying out a new place, and the hope, later confirmed, that it would activate my creativity. It’s a lot more complex that coffee. Happiness is a messy thing.

Happy car!

Satisfaction guaranteed?

When I am happy (Sunday, 13.44)

Coffee on an easy Sunday morning

Sunday morning. (Early afternoon, to be honest). I leave my house, bring my laptop and my notebooks, and move to a new coffee house in my street. They call themselves a coffee parlour and serve New York-style bagels. They have a giant, red, Italian La Marzocco coffee machine. It is beautiful.

I take a seat outside. They have small tables and chairs, which seem to be taken from an old-fashioned classroom. They bring me my espresso. It’s dark, short and strong. I take a sip. It tastes black, bitter, sweet. It has other flavours I can’t place. I wonder what kind of beans they use, how the machine influenced it.

Five sips. And then all is gone except for the lasting impression of the moment.

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Walking in the sea, an adventure in the Wadden Sea

Saturday morning, 6.30. Time to wake up. It promises to be a fun day: in a couple of hours, I’ll find myself back walking through layers of mud, in wet socks and shoes and covered in mud up to my knees. I’ll be spending four and a half hours through a two to five centimeter layer of sea water, here and there interrupted by a meter-deep waterway for ships or a layer of mud so deep I need all my forces to move forward and prevent myself from getting stuck.

Why on earth did I do this to myself?

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In the North of the Netherlands, the Wadden Sea is a shallow sea, separating five islands from the coast of Frisia and Groningen. The ineraction between the tides create an ecosystem unique in the world. With ebb, the water retracts and leaves the sand plates exposed. They’re like all-you-can-eat buffet in a restaurant or hotel: the shellfish ready to grab are a birds paradise. With flow, the water returns and cockles, crabs and millions of worms have the sand for themselves again.

Beyond many types of birds, another creature enters the plains of the Waddenzee during ebb: the human being; rather than food, it is adventure that he seeks.

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Out in the open

‘Wadlopen’, as a Wadden Sea walking or mudflat hiking as it appears to be called in English, is a special experience. You are out in the open, walking in the sea, in an area that is only accessible during those couple of hours it takes you to cross through. You feel in touch with the elements, facing the wind blowing through your hair and the sun shining on your face. Nature is present in the form of thousands of little worms crawling under your feet, some crabs here and there, and the shells you crush below your feet. We crossed a ‘shell cemetery, where the streams of ebb and flow had deposited hundreds of shells to a sand plate. Further away, we even spotted a seal.

Horizontal alpinism

It is also a tiring experience. Those parts that are  sandy and solid are like a walk on the beach, but many parts are not. Occasionally, you are stuck so deeply in the mud that walking is as tiring as on a mountain. Indeed, wadlopen is also known as ‘horizontal alpinism’. But when you arrive to the coast, or when you experience the magnificence of a warm shower, none of that counts anymore. The only sensation going through you is a feeling of accomplishment and bliss.

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This must be the ‘after’ photo

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At the coast, you arrive to a natural reserve with wild horses!

Happiness at work (I) – for you!

100,000 hours. 6,000,000 minutes. 360,000,000 seconds. That is roughly the time of our life that we spend at work. And research shows, that work is one of the places where we are least happy: only commuting is worse. And people prefer to be in company of others (friends, relatives, customers) over being alone, with only one exception: people are rather alone, than with their boss.

But should it really be like this? What if we were happy for all those 100,000 hours?

Today and next week, I would like to talk about happiness at work. Today, I’ll talk about your personal happiness at the work floor. And next week, I’ll speak about the implications of higher happiness levels for companies.

A potential source of happiness

Image:  Happyologist

Image: Happyologist

Not many people think of work as a potential source of happiness. In this conception, work and private life are two closely separated areas. In our private life, we go for drinks with friends, lay as couch potatoes watching TV and travel to Southern France. Our job is separate part of our lives, where we earn the money needed to pays those drinks, couches and TVs, and trips.

But a stimulating job can be a source of flow, of pride, and of happiness. Recently, more and more companies are taking up the challenge. One of the inspirations was American shoe retailer Zappos. For Zappos, happiness is a part of the firm identity. Founder Tony Hsieh wanted to be the retailer with the highest customer satisfaction. To do so, he believed he had to reach a high level of job satisfaction for his employees. That means many fun events and freedom on the job, and HR policies that are shaped by a Chief Happiness Officer. You can find it cheesy, but it seems that it works.

A happy employee is a happy partner

What you are experiencing at work, doesn’t only matter those eight (or nine) hours behind you desk. People typically take their emotional state from work home. A study found a link between work engagement and vigor of an employee at the end of their working day and their happiness level before going to sleep. And not only their own happiness: the effect even crossed over to their partner. The happier an employee, the higher the happiness level of their partner on the same day!

How can I increase my happiness?

You might be wondering: how can I increase my happiness at work? Honestly: I don’t know. You are the only master of your happiness. You might have some intuitive ideas how you could find happiness in the work place. That’s probably where I would start. But let me give you a hint where the answer could be.

During my Commission traineeship almost three years ago, I had a time when I was wondering about my career: where would I end up? What would I do? How would I know it would be right place for me? At one of the career-building events, the speaker referred to a TED speaker Dan Pink. His case is that as industrial times are over, post-modern jobs require a new set of skills. Creativity and flexibility become a lot more important than those during the time a worker followed orders and worked along an assembly line.

Autonomy, mastery and purpose

In this new era, what motivates us to work? Three factors, argues Dan Pink: autonomy, mastery and purpose. Autonomy: freedom in how tackle your challenges. Mastery: getting better and better. Purpose: doing something with a bigger meaning. I think he is right. And when I contemplate my job, and others I would be willing to do, I ask myself whether they do provide these aspects. When searching for happiness at work, aim to find a place that offers you autonomy, mastery, and purpose.